This 'event' isn't something that I can create into a story. I can't shave off the sharp edges and make it into a pretty picture. And I can't explain how this so called 'event' made me realize how much of my heart I had given to Rosie.
Rosie ran off with me, and I could have lost my best friend. There, that's the story.
In the fairy-tale story world, I would explain that on the way back to the barn Rosie suddenly realized we were headed back and began to gallop faster than anything we had ever galloped before. I'd explain that with all my might I tried to stop her but couldn't. I'd say that screaming profanity in my last attempt to keep my head clear worked. But that's the story world.
The truth? Rosie did run off with me, and I couldn't get her to stop. But most importantly, I came too close to losing her. As Rosie stumbled in a gopher hole, as we were both launched forward, as the ground came frighteningly close, I realized that she meant the world to me and that if I lost her, I'd be a basket case and my heart would be so broken it could and would never be repaired.
Only after finally coming to a stop did I let the tears and the reaction come. I slapped Rosie on the forehead and yelled, "What the hell was that?" I blamed it on anger as adrenaline and tears flowed through me. Then, as we were going through a gate, I really lost it. I don't even know what happened. Some how though, we knocked hard against the gate, Rosie reared and I jumped off and lost all self-preservation. I was screaming, and crying and punishing Rosie as if this was all her fault. I couldn't stop myself.
As I walked back to the barn beside Rosie, I allowed myself to slow down. I attempted to clear my head and I realized that what I was feeling wasn't anger. It was something so pure that I couldn't come to terms with it, much less find a name for it. I realized that I had reacted because I had come inches away from losing my best friend.
Every time I thought I got my feelings under control, Rosie would turn and look at me with a look I can't even explain. One that said, "I don't know what the hell is going on with you and I don't understand why I am being punished, but I think I still trust you." And no matter how hard I tried to keep myself under control I would cry all over again.
I understood today, just how much Rosie means to me. I have given her my heart and slowly in exchange, she is giving me pieces of hers.
This post really sucks, but I blame it on the fact that this isn't something I can convert or condense into text. All this came from the heart and honestly that's where it should stay. As Gabbi said, "If today is the worst its ever been, than you can count on tomorrow being better."
I love Rosie with ALL my heart. She is my closest, dearest and best friend. She is the one who is always there. She's the one that shows me the world on her back...
And there is something to be said about that.
"I'm not angry, I'm just annoyed.
I came too close to losing you.
You really scared me today.
I don't think you realize how much you mean to me.
Actually, you probably mean too much to me.
You posses so much of my heart that there is hardly any room for anyone else,
And you may not be listening to me, but I know you've heard me,
And that's all that matters.
I love you with all my heart Rosie."
~A conversation I had with my Rosie
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